20.1.15

L I F E .


I've gotten everything I've ever wanted. I don't mean that in a selfish or conceited way. What I mean is, I've ticked a lot of the big boxes in life. I'm just missing the career. The job that changes my life. The job I enjoy and brings me fiery passion. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I finished school, but I've always been creative. I just never had the confidence to actually believe in my creativity. I can sing, but I will never do it in front of anyone. I can style a mean mannequin, and I would love to be a personal stylist but I'm petrified of even starting out. I wouldn't want to let any client down. 

I wish I had an interest in a career that helped people. Nursing, teaching. Something like that. But I just don't. I have a hard time not beating myself up for loving something so shallow as fashion. 

The worst part of loving fashion is not having the lady balls to succeed in the industry. My TAFE teacher once said to me, 'your personality will hold you back', and that has haunted me for the last 5 years. Because it's true. I am trying to find my place in this world, as an introverted extrovert. The quiet achiever. I am not good at talking my way out of, or into things. I can't talk myself up. I am just honest and humble me. 

Where do we go? Those of us that are loud in a small, close knit crowd but quiet in a big one? We're shy when we're uncomfortable and outgoing when we're comfortable. There has to be a career, a job, an industry where the introverted extroverts can make it work. Where there is no need to big note yourself or swagger about the office oozing confidence. I can just do my intro-extro thing, be recognised for the work I do and not for how loudly I toot my own horn. Or for how charismatic I am. It is in this job that I will find my voice, and a way to make being an introverted extrovert work for me. 

One day.